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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in My Lack of Sex Journal's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
1:50 am
How it goes
It begins with a bottle of wine.

I ask if I can kiss her, she says no.

Sometime between then and her leaving, we give each other back rubs, then wrestle, then cuddle.

Then she goes.

Oh, how I've missed human touch.
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
1:14 am
Choices choices, made by somebody else
Having to choose between good sex, and a good flatmate is never fun.
Sunday, February 27th, 2005
3:08 am
Oh the bitter irony
So it appears to be official now. I am the sort of person who can go to a queer bar, and get hit on (twice!) by members of the opposite sex.

What's that all about? I mean, how does that work? Shouldn't I be scoring with opposite sex members at breeder bars? And why exactly am I single?

Incidentally, gay boys LOVE fur coats.

EDIT: Is there something about the way I carry myself that suggests that I'm a sadist?
Saturday, February 12th, 2005
3:33 am
Long time no post
It's been quite some time since a post, but please, don't assume that that's because I've had nothing to post about. Indeed not. I've had much in the way of lack of sex to write about, just no ways to write it that havn't been done before (a single joke journal does get wearing after a while). Rather, with the exception of the week preceeding NYE, my life has been a continuous pile of no sex.

And today I realised why. No, I didn't realise, because I've known this for a while, but rather, it was hit home again.

I'm ugly.

I'm mentally, spiritually, and physically ugly. (this is to say nothing of my emotional state, which is probably a step worse.) I am unable to find anybody to love me (although I do find people to love everywhere). Even not love, but lust, but interest, none. At a University pub night, with lots of College kids, and a fair bit of alcohol, nothing. None of the wonderful little boys and girls are interested. Pas de tout.

I'm sorry that this wasn't as funny as they used to be. It's just getting old.
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
3:02 am
That old chestnut, yet again.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Things finally start looking up, I finally find somebody who's wonderful, and beautiful, and interested, and smart, and interested in me.

So what do I do? I fuck it up.

Why? Because of issues with my fucking parents, and with me not wanting to let them know what's going on in my life, including my relationships.

"Oh, by the way, I like you a lot, but I don't want my parents to know about you", is NOT a very romantic statement.

I'm such a moron.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, July 8th, 2004
1:07 am
God doesn't want me to have sex
So a week ago, I met this fantastic lovely little girl. Beautiful, shaved head, gorgeous eyes, lovely body.

I thought we hit it off really well. We even kissed as we were saying goodbye... a few times.

Then I couldn't find her online or anything for the next week. I was getting worried that she was avoiding me.

The good news is she wasn't.

The bad news is, she's moving to Newmarket (about 40 minutes away, by my non-existant car)

Clearly the sex gods are angry with me.
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
3:54 am
First loves
Its really nice meeting up with your first love, your first girlfriend again.

Its even nicer when after more than a few drinks, you start kissing and such.

Its hell when you realize that she has a girlfriend upstairs.

Damn you fate.
Saturday, June 12th, 2004
12:05 pm
Phrases and Meanings
Last week, I was at a club with a friend, her boyfriend, and her ex-girlfriend. As I was leaving (early, I'm getting old, what can I say?) my friend's exgf said to her (in reference to me) "I'd sure love to tap that ass".

I mean, who says that? We live in The City, not in some ghettoslang related region. It amused me greatly.

Yesterday, at work. A co-worked and I were speaking. I was using my standard tone of voice - to which she said "Your voice drips with so much sarcasm, I'd think you were gay".

I could only laugh. Silly girl. But again, who says that???

We live in strange times.
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
6:17 pm
Sex and Friends
Whoa, its been a long time since I've last gotten laid.

Methinks it really says something about one's sexual activity when friends who DON'T HAVE SEX (waiting for the right guy, don't like being touched, etc...) are having sex more often than you.

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
6:59 pm
Streams Apart
She's too cool by far,
we'll travel in different circles.
She looks up at me,
I gaze towards her - lovely legs and all.
My hair stands on end
(its not electricity: just what it does)

Physical? Sure, attraction at least
but touch more I doubt we will.
Liek two fish, swimming in diff'rent streams nearby
but I'm not leaping salmon.
Sunday, May 9th, 2004
10:23 pm
My bed.
There's an interesting thing about my bed, and I don't really understand it.

It squeaks.

Now, I understand that. I get the concept of things squeeking, obviously. What I don't get, is WHY it squeeks, or rather whyWHEN. You see, the thing about my bed is that when I'm laying on it (I'm never close enough to it to hear when I'm not laying on it, so we'll leave that out for now) it only seems to squeek when I'M LAYING STILL.

Its the oddest thing; when I"m trying to sleep, and laying down quietly on my side... "squeek squeak squeek". If I bounce around a little bit... nothing. then the bed settles down into non-motion, and starts squeeking again.

I presume it would be equally silent were I having sex on it.

Sadly, I've not been able to test that theory at any time recently.
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
2:31 am
All the pretty girls
Why does it seem that all the lovely girls (even the queer ones) invariably have boyfriends?

A friend of a friend, lovely girl - just so happens she lives nearby. Out for drinks - play some trivia, some darts (we both suck hard, but eventually I hit the double 1 and win it after far too long) and lots of chatting.

Obvious attraction. Mostly mental (I'm assuming; she was like a younger version of yours truly) but also clearly physical.

But... she has a boyfriend.

I walk her home. I say goodbye. I bite her ear - hard. She moans. We look at each other. We kiss. I bite her tongue. We kiss some more.

I beg her to leave. She breathlessly agrees. We say goodbye.


Why do all of the pretty girls have boyfriends?
Friday, April 9th, 2004
11:57 am
Aparently there are some people who have not yet discovered that LJ is a huge source of free amateur porn, erotica, and other pin-up type stuff.

I discovered this recently.

outcastspice has a usericon that says 'Livejournal: Because you can't masturbate all the time'

I laughed about that, and said, yes true. Well except for using LJ to masturbate (so I've heard rumours about, of course).

'Really?' they said? 'Oh absolutely' I responded.

I then listed off some communities for their benefit. Amazed they were.

LJ - It doesn't matter what your kink, there's somebody else who wants to post naked pictures doing it.

Huzzah. lol.
Friday, February 27th, 2004
4:07 am
Euphemistic sex
Three months without sex.

There are times when I read into things that people say. Times when the things I read actually arn't there. Times when my reading is done to make me and my lack of sex-having feel better.

Talking to a beautiful girl (albeit over the internet) and she tells me that she has 'sex at her fingertips'

Naturally, I assume not that she meant that she could get laid whenever she wanted, but that she literally had it 'at her fingertips', ie masturbation.

I responded that I had sex in the palm of my hand.

Saturday, January 31st, 2004
1:40 am
Masturbation with others
Have any of you ever met a girl, a girl who was beautiful, but for whom you didn't feel an attraction?

A girl who was like you so much, a girl who was you but a few years younger?

A girl who was so like you that you loved her, that you understood everything that she was coming from?

A girl who was so much like you, that sleeping with her would be exactly like masturbation?

Well I have.
Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
2:50 pm
Ghost Orgasms
Have you ever had one? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Maybe, no. Well I'll explain then.

Have you ever had the feeling of climax building up inside you... a good climax, a strong climax, a powerful climax? A climax that starts down below, and slowly spreads down your legs, up your stomach, through your chest, into your head?

A climax that builds and builds and builds, and then, just as its about to hit the top, it disappears.

That is a ghost orgasm.

I've heard (granted from a whacko writing in a free city paper) that ghost orgasms are caused by aliens.

Aparently, Humans have the best sentient orgams in the known universe. Aliens, some of whom can't experience orgasm at all, travel from all reaches of space to come to earth. When here, the psychically tap into our brains, and surf our orgasms.. they feel the build up with us, but then steal the joy of the actual orgasm.

Its a cruel cruel world we live in.
Monday, January 19th, 2004
11:06 pm
Miss me?
Well I'm back.

Actually I should have been back quite some time ago, but I wasn't. Not because I wasn't having a lack of a sex life, but just because I wasn't writing about it.

Don't ask me why.

Anyhow, its been just under two montsh since I broke up with the woman who I now assume was my girlfriend.

I didn't think we were 'an item' at the time, I thought that we were just dating, but then WHAM she breaks up with me. As good an indication as any that we were an item. But I digress. Then she started crying, then I hugged her and told her we'd still be friends.

And I havn't had any action since then.

A strange thing happened a while ago (or rather continues to happen) I met a girl, a lovely girl. We get along wonderfully. We laugh at each other's jokes, we have a similar mindset, that is just differing enough to be interesting.

Here's the thing... I'm not sure if she's interested in me. No, that isn't the thing - that's a usual thing, I'm terrible at reading that aspect of people, I've missed obvious signs in the past, and taken non-signs to be what they weren't.

The odd thing is; I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her. I've thought about it, and I have absolutely no idea. None. Not a one.

This is odd, its bizarre, its strange - beyond strange even. How does one inspire such ambiguity in an other? She's cute - attractive even. She's clearly intelligent - funny too. She does have a mean streak a mile wide.

One would think, with all this, that it would be easy to know if I'm attracted to her or not. And yet, I don't.

Current Mood: confused
Monday, December 15th, 2003
12:27 am
Damn timing, damn it!
So there's this cute little girl, of whom I might have writen about before.

Anyhow, she's cute, and little, and a girl. And cute. And lovely.

And we were planning on getting together, drinking absinthe, listening to jazz, doing some snuff, you know how it is.

We still plan on that, but, in the interim of our planning and finding time to get together, she goes and gets a boyfriend!

WTF! Where does that leave me? With what chance?

Damn you to hell chronological time, damn you!
Sunday, December 7th, 2003
2:28 am
The Difference of Viewpoints
When I'm at a club, as I was tonight, I meet many people. Some of them speak to me.

I've noticed something. Men tend to think (when they find out what I go for) that I can get action more of less at will. They see my hair, they see my style, they see my pipe (I don't know why, but guys especially seem to think that smoking a pipe is the epitome of hip)

The look at me, and, if we discuss, they say that they're sure that I must be getting constant pussy from whomever I might meet.

Women, on the other hand, tend to think differently.

I may look like I can score with any woman I meet, but the fact remains that I left the club by myself, that once again, I failed to score, failed to even get a number.

Ahh well, c'est la vie, worse things have happend.

Its just odd, the dicotomy between appearance and actuality.
Thursday, November 27th, 2003
11:35 am
The way it goes
Good News! (for those of you who enjoyed reading this journal)
Bad News! (if you're me and enjoy sex)

I am no longer in a relationship, which means no more frequent sex, which mean, (in all likelyhood) lots more no-sex.
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